Let’s See What Time Does

Now, I wasn’t going to write this for fear of who would read it, but what would my blog be without stating what’s on my mind?

I’m thinking very heavily about transferring colleges. Don’t get me wrong, I really like this school. I have a lot of friends who I’m sure will become my best and I’m doing well in all of my classes, but I didn’t come here to make friends. I love them all but that’s not why I’m here. I didn’t even come here to do well in school although that is one of my goals. I came here to play my sport, water polo.

Part of this insecurity about staying may be because I had such a wonderful team back home. I had four girls that I would call my very best friends and they were all on my team. Time and time again I would talk about how my team was perfect. Not only did we have a perfect season (35 – 0!), but the entire team was without drama and fighting and other juvenile girl tendencies. I think that my team back home set me up for disappointment when I came here. I just don’t know if I even want to play water polo without them. That seemed a little dramatic, but it’s also kind of true. I just clicked with that team so well.

There are some of us:)

So far though, I have only clicked with the freshmen on the girls lacrosse team here at college. It’s not that I don’t like my team, I really do like them, I just haven’t found many of them easy to relate to. I have a quirky personality (That’s an understatement. I am absolutely insane.) that the boys and girls whom I would call my friends came to appreciate in less than a week. I act the  exact same way around my team and I’m given quizzical looks or just ignored.

This has created a vicious cycle for me these past couple weeks. Since my friends all appreciate who I am, I have no trouble being around them all the time. Needless to say, I want to be around them all the time. Who wouldn’t want to be around the people who accept you? One of the girls even knows all of my secrets (that sounded very sixth grade….) due to two extensive heart to hearts (and I have a feeling she’ll be a recurring character, so we’ll give her a name. How about Woods? For personal reasons, of course.) and I know hers. Since I’m hanging out with them so much, I don’t hang out with my own team that much and therefore they don’t get a chance to know me as well. I am admitting fault with that one.

So sounds like I have an easy fix right? Just hang out with my friends less and my team more, right? Well, I’ve been trying, but it is a little tough. I want to be with the people who accept me completely. When I walk into a room with my team, I get nods and waves. When I walk into a room with my friends I get screams of “Mariya!” and other various nicknames that they’ve given me. I feel loved by them and I can definitely say that I love them.

SIDENOTE: I’m at work and some DOUCHE BAG just called and said “Athletic Director” with absolutely no tone in his voice whatsoever. So, to clear things up I asked “Would you like to be transferred?” and he said “Oh yea, sounds like a good idea,” with this snotty sarcastic tone to his voice. What an asshole.

Anyways. I’ve been told time and time again that if this college doesn’t feel right then I should leave. So far, it’s just not feeling right. I know only three weeks have passed. I know that I should give it time. I know that maybe in a month my mind will be completely changed but I thought I would immediately love my team and this just isn’t immediate. You can’t really choose who you become good friends with, it just sort of happens. I’m not saying it’s impossible, I’m just saying it’s going to take time for me.

Posted in: Friendship..., I Worry